Thinking of My Mom

My Pretty Girl…

People often call me vain or think of me to be arrogant, because I am confident in my outward beauty and I let it be known. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that I am beautiful inside as well. The thing is though, I am not vain nor am I arrogant, I have just been programed to see my beauty through all of the ugliness that I have had to endure. I remember my mom’s voice in my head all the time, “My pretty girl.” Or the simple question that gave me so much confidence, “You know that you are beautiful right?” I’m sure as a mother when she asked that question she was speaking of more than my outer appearance. In fact, I’m sure of it. When I close my eyes and see her face and how deeply she looked at me, I see that she was looking past the surface and into my soul. And what she seen was beauty that she never wanted me to forget that I had.

So as the time came where my mother had to be in the hospital, I made sure that every day I went to visit her that I looked my best. She would ask me, “Where are you going looking so pretty?” and I would answer. “Nowhere, I came to see you. I had to look good for you girl!” I wanted her to see the beauty through the ugly times that she was facing. The beauty that she took part in bringing into this world.

I will never forget the day before my mother passed away, she looked at me and said, ‘You are so pretty, you know that?” I responded with a smile and soft, “yes.” She spoke with a shallow breathe once more and said, “I am serious.” As if she felt that I had doubted her before. I smiled again and said, “I know.” So when I say that I am pretty or walk with such confidence, it’s not because I believe that I am better than anyone, but it’s because it is what I am, inside and out.

I love you mom and I miss you a lot.

Love always, your “Pretty Girl.”

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